Give Me A Reason To Live Without You
by keyliimepie
Summary: He simply woke up one morning and realized he couldn’t live this way anymore. He left, she stayed. Trying to find him, she discovered more than she bargained for. Then again, so did he. An AddisonDerek story.When they find each other what will happen?


**Title:** Give Me A Reason To Live Without You

**Rating:** T

**Characters:** Addison/Derek

**Summary:** He simply woke up one morning and realized he couldn't live this way anymore. He left, she stayed. Trying to find him, she discovered more than she bargained for. Then again, so did he.

**Disclaimer:** Stole the plot from Sam/Naomi on Private Practice. Its not an original idea, I'm not a genius.

Part One- Picture Perfect Life, Thrown Away

She had believed their lifestyle to be ideal. Both of them had high powered and well paying careers, along with a beautiful New York brownstone and a pristine house in the Hamptons, that her father had given her right before he died tragically from lung cancer. And even though their lifestyle had been rather upscale, the phrase money can'tt buy happiness never applied to them.

They had made time for one another in the beginning of their ten year marriage. Shifts were either traded or scheduled so they would be at the hospital or at home together. He did things spontaneously from planning special trips for them, to sending her flowers at work to show his deep affection for his wife. She also remembered the post it notes in her locker when they worked at the same hospital for the first four years. They always supplied a comical laugh whenever he noticed her having a long day, or a content sigh whenever he wrote a romantic line that she would show off to her friends.

Towards the fifth year things shifted slightly. The opportunity for her to own a private practice was presented. He of course told her she would be crazy not to accept the offer from the previous owner, and so she did without a second thought. This change conflicted within their personal schedules, but after a few months the transition became easier once more help was hired and a steady income of patients had begun to flock towards her practice. Great success in six months surprised her greatly, but she realized it was hard to find an OB/GYN with her reputation in Manhattan. Despite her growing wealth within her practice, her relationship with her husband was struggling more than she expected because of the increase in patients.

She had come home tired more often, and less responsive to his pleas for sex. He didn'ttake it personally he realized that she had become busy with patients; something he would never blame her for. How could he? She brought beautiful babies into the world, she believed it was her "life's calling". He couldn'targue with her faith. So he stood by her being the wonderful husband she knew him to be. Helping her choose the best medical equipment that wouldn't kill them financially, and picking out colors to paint the waiting room (whose original color was a nasty pee yellow). It was an excuse for him to see her, and he knew she was grateful even though she hadn't told him; he just knew she was. But she should have acted differently towards him that year. It was her behavior that had wedged them apart.

Post fifth year in their marriage it was his job that had taken control of their relationship. The position for Head of the Neurology Department had just opened up and he was a front runner. Now that her career was settling, they could focus on advancing his. Because she saw everything they did as a team effort. So she allowed him to miss dinner every once in a while if an important surgery came up that could help him get recognized by the Chief of Surgery. But before she knew it her nights were spent alone. At first, he had suggested the company of his best friend, Mark. And she agreed to this. After all her and Mark had been very close friends, the company would keep her from going insane when her husband would leave her for a few days at a time.

The first three years they entertained themselves well: playing board games, watching movies as well as medical procedures, reading medical journals, ordering Chinese food. The list they stuck with was safe...until she brought the alcohol from the liquor cabinet. That night was branded painfully into her memory forever. It wasn't the alcohol that wouldn't let her forget, it was Mark. She had been more depressed than usual about the lack of interest her husband showed her nowadays. A shot of rum from the liquor cabinet burned her throat as it slid down, but it didn't really help her case.

Mark had come into the kitchen after her prolonged absence from the living room, and caught her drinking. He wasn't one to judge, considering his history so he simply shrugged and asked her to pour him a shot.

She smiled, her eyes beginning to brim with tears as she down two more shots. He panicked because he'd never seen her sad and drunken before. She wiped her eyes trying not to make it obvious that she was upset, as she stumbled into the living room. He caught her waist whenever she practically tripped over a rug, and held her close on the couch whenever the sobs came.

Mark thoughtfully asked, "What is it, Addie?"

She responded sadly, "Today's October 10th."

He nodded, and it took him a moment before he realized it was their tenth wedding anniversary. Her husband had either forgotten and not cared enough to show up that night.

She soon pulled away from his strong embrace and smiled up at him. He smiled back in a thoughtful manner that friends do, but before he could say anything she had pushed her lips onto his. His heart jolted at the sudden contact and he flinched whenever he realized this was his best friend's wife kissing him.

Mark pushed her away, his hands squeezing her upper arms. His eyes flooded with fear as he realized what he had done, "Addison? What the-" She cut off his sentence with another opened mouth kiss. This time she was more forceful and so was he, Mark threw her off of him and stood up quickly.

"What the hell? I can't do this, Addison! He's my best friend!" He cried frustrated that she had put him in this type of position.

And truth be told, she wasn't thinking clearly whenever she had done it. The mixture of alcohol and the conflicting emotions that resided in her, rendered her speechless.

She only could mumble an apology as Mark was gathering his coat to leave her brownstone, "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Yeah, your right you weren't thinking," He quickly strode to the front door.

"Wait, Mark don't leave. You don't have to go-" She pleaded and followed him to the front door.

He opened the front door, and the sound of the rain filled her ears. Then he whirled around to glare at her, "Yes I do. Because you obviously can't control yourself. And you're the one of us who needs to keep control."

"But-" She stammered lamely.

"No, I can't stay. And I can't do this anymore. Its obvious you and Derek have problems if he's telling me to come by every night on my way home. The fact that he's missing your wedding anniversary, and you getting drunk and kissing me only adds to them. But I'm not going to be the driving force that is the final blow to your relationship."

"He doesn't love me anymore, Mark." She admitted softly her eyes full of longing for another man's touch, "Do you know what that feels like? To know that your husband of ten years, doesn't love you anymore?"

Mark didn't respond. He simply shook his head and then reassured her before leaving, "I'll make sure he gets home at a decent hour tonight." The door shut before her leaving her alone inside.

But Mark was true to his word. He had made sure Derek came home that night. It wasn't until three in the morning, but she accepted his long apology and then they made love. Of course it wasn't anything like it used to be, now it was rushed and almost forced. But she still enjoyed the sensation of him inside of her again, and the feeling of his skin against hers.

After this night they had fallen back into their old bad habits again. Him working all the time and her drinking alone. It wasn't long until Derek had had enough of their loveless relationship. He left her a single paragraph note as his parting gift and told her he simply couldn't live this life anymore.

She cried the day she found that note, and at least a week afterwards. Then she was forced to be strong and go back to living her life as though nothing had changed. But whenever that stick turned blue, she wondered if would ever have the strength to tell him all that he left behind.

* * *

Note: Its short I realize. But I needed it to recount the history of Addison/Derek and set up the plot I have in mind for these characters. Let me know if its worth updating. Thanks :) 


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